I combined the following journal entries into one post because they kind of play off one another now, a year a half later, during the week of what would have been the 10th anniversary of the exchanging of vows I had with a person I trusted with my life. This week should be a difficult one, but when I was left to manage and make sense of everything in my world ALONE WITHOUT ANY COMMUNICATION WITH OR FROM MY “EX HUSBAND” from the moment he walked out the door. I learned that maybe I was the one faking some things and I did a lot of that out of convenience – taking a gamble on love goes both ways – you gamble on the fact that your love is true and you gamble on the fact that the love being reciprocated to you is REAL – in my case I might have been faking it in the reciprocation…..I’m still working that out and exploring it as the days go on.
The contemplation of my generation is very fitting considering my ongoing divorce – I married someone 8 years younger – a millennial – and I’m on the youngest side of GenX – but we are worlds apart in many ways – including maturity and our ways of handling adult, real life, situations. What my “EX” (its difficult to refer to him as my EX-Husband because we are still very LEGALLY MARRIED and incredibly far from being LEGALLY Divorced since HE chose to file in April, after abandoning me in March because of my mental illness and my visit to the ER resulting in a short stay in the hospital in February – and he has LITERALLY DONE – NOT ONE THING TO MOVE IT ALONG – ZILCH. ZERO. NOTHING. – so referring to him as my LEGAL ex husband feels like a lie – however, my acceptance of the fact that he IS NOT AND NEVER WAS MY PERSON is very much my truth) What he Failed to recognize again and again is that you do not FUCK WITH GEN X – PERIOD.
What my “EX” also failed to do is communicate or have any of the “difficult” conversations that would have precluded his filing for divorce. He NEVER EVER – NOT ONE TIME – sat me down and let me know how unhappy he was, how exhausted he was, how difficult it was to be married to me, maintain a marriage with me, or support me while I worked with and learned to manage my mental health struggles. He is very much a “stick your head in the sand” type of person, only wanting to focus on surface level, non divisive topics of conversation. It is not a surprise to me now, looking back, that he chose to RUN AWAY LIKE A COWARD WHILE I WAS TAKING A SHOWER ONE MORNING IN March, than sit me down and have a difficult conversation with me that would make him “sad” and be the “bad guy”. More to come as I share more journal entries and explore what was real and what was fake in this almost 10 year marriage – XOXO – Launa
The story as told in the podcast, social media accounts and the website is based on my understanding and perspective, and should not be interpreted as factual claims about any individual or entity without further verification. The names and places have been changed or left cryptic to protect the accused. My name has also been changed to protect myself from my ex as he continues to drag out the divorce process – a divorce he filed for – in court
March 24, 2023
The Generation eX-perience
The Generation EXperience
The GeN X Experience
How the small – QUIET – Forgotten Generation on the cusp of the past and the future helped shape the future to survive – BUT will anyone listen??
March 31, 2023
We often shy away from “difficult material”
“I can’t look at/watch/listen to ______________”(whatever)
“Because it’s too sad, disturbing, etc. I just want to focus on being happy”
At whose fucking expense????
Just because you were lucky enough to have the dice o life rolled in your favor – born in the US – YOU – get happiness over others???
I’ve been wanting to start a podcast for a while But I’m not an expert, I don’t have a BA my career hasn’t been exceptional and I’m not a Subject Matter Expert on anything.
But I’m a scrappy little trauma kid who has fought for every day of my life
