About This Site: MMMBLMD Blog and the Midlife Misery Journals Podcast
Welcome to a journey of Midlife as told through my female eyes. I began an attempt to process my childhood trauma on a much needed break from work. Like many things, this journey did not go as anticipated and I’ve been severely derailed by betrayal, heartbreak, lies, and now, a very messy divorce. As I continue to try and make sense of even more trauma, on top of the mountain I’ve carried around for over 40 years, I’ve decided to share these journal entries as my first attempt to put together the shattered pieces and make sense of this journey. Now, with the Midlife Misery Podcast – I’m exploring even more After “barely” surviving a Traumatic Event – in an Emergency Room – in February 2024 – I suffered another – equally traumatic event – by way of Spousal Abandonment.
In February 2024 – my spouse of almost 10 years – walked out of my life, while I was taking a shower, unannounced and with ZERO warning. He cut off all communication and filed for divorce less than a month later and I have not seen, communicated, or spoken with him since, outside of communication via divorce attorneys.
My journals have helped me get this far and sharing them was my first attempt at vulnerability…..I hope to continue this process by sharing more of my story on the Midlife Misery Podcast as I navigate the disappointment of my failed marriage, betrayal from my ExBFF of over 30 years, and healing my trauma that I’ve spend almost a decade working on in Therapy.
I’m figuring out how to forge my new path forward, realizing that I’ve always been happier alone and unchained.
I’m learning how strong I am when I’ve been pushed to the brink.
I’m learning that I can still trust my judgment in people and within myself – Two BAD APPLES (who have claimed to be the “closest ones to me”) did not spoil my entire bunch.
I’m Finding comfort in the fact that my female friendships have always been and continue to be the MOST VALUABLE asset in my life and that I can FULLY TRUST MYSELF AND my emotional intelligence – despite what my Haters (the bad apples) want everyone else to believe. I hope it helps me find my way and if I can help one other person, then I’ve done more than I could have ever dreamed
My Blog Entries are my journal entries, transcribed as is – (I still write with pen and paper) I don’t edit them at all – the intro is where I provide any subject matter or situation clarity.
My Journal Entries begin in November 2022 when I had a “breakdown” of sorts. At 44 years old none of the coping methods I had been using my entire life were working anymore. It made working at my job close to impossible.
So I, with encouragement from my (now estranged) spouse, I decided to take a break from my job to work on ME.
At the time I considered myself “fortunate” to have such a compassionate, supportive, and understanding spouse. I never could have imagined, how that decision, would turn my life upside down. It would reveal the Monster HIDING behind the masked person, the kind, understanding, compassionate PARTNER IN LIFE I thought I had married.
I never imagined this person, whom I trusted with my life, would create the most tumultuous, trauma filled, gaslit events of my life.
I say this over and over – BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TRUST WITH YOUR LIFE – IT MAY COST YOU EXACTLY THAT
These journal entries capture the rabbit hole of deceit, duplicity, danger, and betrayal, that would lead to the breaking up of my entire world and dissolution of my marriage, in real time through the months and years.
I’m sharing my journal entries to try and make sense of “what happened!?!?!?” – a question I still ask myself daily.
I’m also sharing on the Midlife Misery Podcast while I continue to put together the shattered, pieces in hopes that I can help heal myself and get to the “other side” of the dumpster fire my life has become that continues to rage out of control.
Perhaps, if there is anyone out there going through something similar or that has gone through something similar, I can feel better knowing that I will get through this.
Perhaps, once I get to the proverbial “other side”, anyone else out there that is still in the “middle of the picture” watching their dumpster fire rage and burn out of control, will know that there is another side.
I guess I’ll just have to be patient, like everyone keeps telling me I need to be.
Thank You for reading, it truly means the world to me.
XOXO – Launa
