Looking back at this entry, I’m reminded of a conversation my spouse had with me about TFT and how “she really doesn’t know you anymore”
NOW I can see that my Anchor Face of Death had that conversation with me, not in my defense, but to gather information for himself
My spouse wanted me to explain – TO HIM – the version of “ME” TFT had known “our entire” lives and how that version was different than the current version of “ME”
My spouse obviously “knowing” the current version of me – but needing more information about the “old me”
My spouse needed this information TO USE AGAINST ME – so he could MANIPULATE TFT into believing that I WAS FAKING THE NEW VERSION OF ME
My spouse did this so that TFT – “the therapist/the professional” – would help him while he POISONED ME FOR 2 YEARS
My spouse needed TFT – “the therapist/the professional” to SELL THE STORY that my PHYSICAL ILLNESS was ALL IN MY HEAD
TFT is the “professional/the therapist” my former BFF
TFT and I had a falling out of sorts when I moved to the midwest to care for my mother after my Mother had her stroke
My spouse did not know TFT during the first 2 years of our relationship
My spouse had not heard much about TFT and our friendship – its history – prior to our marriage
Actually, my ANCHOR FACE OF DEATH and I we were married for almost 4 years before my spouse had any REAL interaction with TFT “the professional/the therapist”
My ANCHOR FACE OF DEATH always expressed – to me that – “they didn’t talk” – my spouse and TFT “NEVER INTERACTED”, or had any type of conversation with each other.
My spouse told me – he focused on his relationship/friendship with TFT husband and never felt “comfortable” interacting with her
The hindsight glaring – My spouse and TFT – DID TALK – AND TEXT – and INTERACT CONSTANTLY
My spouse MANIPULATED TFT AS MUCH AS DK MANIPULATED my spouse –
My spouse and TFT BECAME A TEAM
My spouse and TFT WOULD GANG UP ON ME A YEAR LATER
My spouse and TFT would DESTROY MY LIFE – AGREEING to ABANDON ME WITHOUT WARNING
My spouse and TFT would RIP MY WORLD APART – STEAL MY DOGS – AND CAUSE ME TO FLEE THE STATE OF CA – FOR FEAR OF MY SAFETY –
My spouse and TFT – WORKED TOGETHER – to SELL their story of “crazy Launa and her need to be institutionalized” to ANYONE THEY COULD GET TO LISTEN
By the 2023 New Years journal entry – my spouse and I had become enmeshed into TFT’s family – playing Auntie and Uncle to her kids, spending holidays with them, going to soccer games
After the condo fell out of escrow for my spouse and I – we toyed around with the idea of moving to the Midwest – I was desperately trying to please him – feeling the distance and disconnect in our marriage – believing it was my fault
TFT was the most unsupportive person I interacted with when I shared the idea with her
Irony at its finest – How could she team up with my ANCHOR FACE OF DEATH if we moved to the midwest?!?!? – of course she didn’t want us to move
Sometimes I hate the hindsight and the clarity it brings
BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TRUST WITH YOUR LIFE, IT MIGHT COST YOU EXACTLY THAT – thank you for reading XOXO Launa
The story as told in the podcast, social media accounts, and on the website is based on my understanding and perspective, and should not be interpreted as factual claims about any individual or entity without further verification. The names and places have been changed or left cryptic to protect the accused . My name has also been changed to protect myself from my ex as he continues to drag out the divorce process – a divorce he filed for – in court
January 1, 2023
We spent NYE with TFT & her husband
Lately, whenever I hang out with TFT I fell as though she is still seeing and treating me as the teenager/High School/young adult version of me.
SP seems to do the same – Interesting
I’m not sure how to approach this or even if I need to – It mostly happens once she (TFT) has had a fair amount to drink and is closer to the proverbial – Dark Side – (same with SP BTW)
And since I’m not really drinking/am sober when it’s happening – I just try to pivot the situation to something else – hoping the narrative will change as well
These situations have me questioning – “lifelong friendships” – How realistic are they? Are they rare?
Wondering if a fitness based work redirect is finally within the realm of realistic timing?
Maybe it’s why leaving is good sometimes to get perspective – and also for others to get some as well – TFT’s perspective will probably be very similar initially –
Negative
Not Supportive
Telling me the kids are going to be sad (not mine, hers)
All of these are valid feelings to have if you’re DK – But they are not helpful to her friend, Launa(me)
I need positivity
I need support
Other’s family changes are not my responsibility to consider when my husband and I make major life choices together
It almost feels like TFT has a lack of respect for AFD and I’s marriage and life choices because we don’t have kids?? Who knows but its about forcing an expectation onto my life
***When I’m reading I often write down words I don’t know the definitions of or that I don’t have a complete grasp of to look up at a later time. Sometimes when I can’t think of what to journal about or if it strikes me during my journal session, I will look up the word(s) and write them down as part of my entry ***
Definitions
Peremptory - Adj.
1. a - putting and end to or precluding a right of action, debate, or delay
‘specifically’ - Not providing an opportunity to show cause why one should not comply - IE = a peremptory mandate
b - admitting of no contradiction
2. Expressive of urgency or command - IE = a peremptory call
3. a -Characterized by often imperious or arrogant self assurance - IE = how insolent of late he is become, how proud, how peremptory
b - indicative of a peremptory attitude of nature: HAUGHTY - IE = a peremptory tone, a peremptory disregard of an object
Austerity - Noun
1. the quality or state of being austere - such as:
a - a stern and serious quality - IE = the formal austerity of his manner
b - a plain and simple quality - IE = the austerity of design
2. enforced or extreme economy especially on a national scale - IE = lived through years of austerity after the war / fiscal austerity/ austere measures = measures taken to reduce spending
3. an austere act, manner or attitude - IE = monastic self denial and austerity
