The following journal entry is when I finally begin to admit that IT. WAS. NOT. FINE. I. WAS. NOT. FINE. with many facts about my childhood including my father passing away when I was only 6 and being physically assaulted by my step mother. I NEVER wanted that to be my story and I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me because of it. So I would gloss over these facts as if they were “normal” or “not a big deal”.
The traumatic events I experienced at such a young age, perhaps, contributed to my ADHD – and being undiagnosed for 40 years didn’t do me any favors in the coping department, especially as a child and also in adulthood and once I got married. But mental health wasn’t something “talked about” in the 80’s or even mentioned. We were just supposed to suck it up and try harder to be normal.
But once I was diagnosed with it made a HUGE POSITIVE IMPACT to know that there was “something wrong” with me and once I was appropriately medicated for it, I FINALLY FELT NORMAL.
Unfortunately, my estranged spouse would do EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO MAKE THIS DIAGNOSIS A NEGATIVE IMPACT and ended up weaponizing it against me while recruiting one my oldest and closest friends, an actual LMFT of all things, to join in his DIABOLICAL PLAN. They teamed up against me and weaponized my diagnosis and medications against me and DECIDED, TOGETHER, THAT SPOUSAL ABANDONMENT WAS THE MOST FITTING COURSE OF ACTION TO “HELP ME” and to this day, are still peddling this nonsense to their circle.
Thank fully I am no longer part of that circle, I have my own and I’m much better because of it – but once again, this goes to show – YOU NEVER TRULY KNOW ANYONE – FRIENDS, SPOUSES, FAMILY, THEY CAN ALL WEAR MASKS AND TURN ON YOU AS SOON AS YOU WORK TO BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELF – BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TRUST WITH YOUR LIFE
The story as told in the podcast, social media accounts and the website is based on my understanding and perspective, and should not be interpreted as factual claims about any individual or entity without further verification. The names and places have been changed or left cryptic to protect the accused. My name has also been changed to protect myself from my ex as he continues to drag out the divorce process – a divorce he filed for – in court
February 22, 2023
It’s extremely difficult to truly see, acknowledge, and accept that my childhood was extremely fucking difficult – emotionally – like WAY more than I’ve been willing to accept and communicate. I just wanted it to be ok “NORMAL” – But it’s anything but “normal” or “GOOD” it’s pretty fucking messy and it was emotionally traumatic for me. But it’s not my fault and it’s ok. I’ll find strength in the darkness.
February 23, 2023
Amygdala – definition
controls fear
suppressed while under influence of hallucinogens over firing during childhood
(obviously) has extreme adverse affects
